Sorry if my typing reads hoarse. But I’ve been ill all of Sunday, took Monday off and came in today over-helmed by a sense of duty and obligation.
But I always have time for a little blog post.
So Saturday Pastrami, the missus and I spent a rather productive day consisting of bagels, foot massages and Dostana at that Cinemax in Bandra with the bargain Lazy boy seats. While we were biting into our bagels and sipping on our Doppio’s pastrami suddenly sat up and ran to the counter to ask for the day’s Bombay Times.
“You must read the horoscope in today’s BT man. They are howlarious!” Pastrami panted as he flipped the pages.
Now I was prepared for the worst you see. With all these job cuts and banks in trouble and financial turmoil we all try to laugh as much as we can when Pastrami cracks jokes. Even the weird, banker-type jokes where the punch line involves phrases like: “And then he said why don’t we just look at perpetuity after five years and finance the whole using convertible debt warranties! HA HA HA HA HA HA! Phew!” or “And then the prospective girl’s parents asked him what desk he worked on and he said structured debt and they all got up and ran away…even the broker…”
Which is just sad.
But lo and behold. Pastrami was actually right. The horoscopes were hilarious and mostly completely pointless. I have intrepidly managed to track it down:
Gems include:
Leo: You may choose to get out into the world and to grasp all to learn, can become negative and selfish. The energy of the day will require you to be more outgoing. You are probably having the most influential aspect.
This was either written by a bad machine or dictated over the phone to someone who hates his job, sitting on Friday night writing the horoscope. Eitherways it is a masterpiece of… I don’t know really.
Please click on the image to read it in full.
Also, when time permits, read this fascinating article in October’s Smithsonian Magazine. Its free and available in full.
Maybe I should get my DNA checked as well. What if I was related to…shudder…Mark Knopfler?
Later crocodiles.
ay ay… those fortune tellers…. wish they would tell us when this depression will end… lol
Here’s what’s under my sun sign, Cancer:
You feel for people who are less fortunate
Who are these “less fortunate” people? And why should I feel them?
I greatly admire people who partake of these erudite predictions. They are so clever. And logical.
Hades,
The Times of Bullshit
I think almost all those who write for BT do it over the phone, hate their jobs/and or their readers, have been picked for their appearance as opposed to their skill with words and sentences (those that make sense when put together with the use of punctuation marks). And as for the astrologers…they fall into the same category as Dear Diana!
But in the defence of the person who put together that jumble of words (probably copy pasted from the WWW) the last line could make sense…in astrology an ‘aspect’ is something you can find on a horoscope – its the angle the planets make.
But im guessing except for a handful, it would just seem as random as the rest of the forecast. Sheesh.
shucks!the bit on virgo is incomplete!
how i’m dying to read the rest of it.
ho!ho!ho! Finolex fortunes – woh pipe waale log 😉 Couldnt catch much of the text on pdf – but the leo fortune reads like a riot !
I think it’s more a case of the person translating Hindi or some other language to English 😀 and of course spewing astrological generalities. Sheesh ! It reminds me of the Sundays at Kolkata when we all used to sit down and read the different supplements and I used to pore over the Horoscope section and chuckle to myself inwardly:D
It says I need have a lofty way of looking at the world and that I need to prioritize ……I’d tell them the same thing.
BTW I’ve written you a short review on StumbleUpon.
Here’s the link. Hope you like it.
i bothched up the linking in the above comment->StumbleUpon
is the horoscope image link broken..couldnt see the particular image..???…
Aah…that explains why you didn’t pick up my phone throughout Saturday and Sunday:-(The aftershock..one understands.
That was a horrorscope.
I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
You promised a post on Pastrami and you gave us THIS!!! You could have taken off him and the article would still stand the same. This is NOT a Pastrami article.
Ok, ok, i have cribbed enough now. Good one. But I look up those columns the first thing anyways! And yeah, unfortunately I am a Leo so most of the times my forecasts end up giving me no brainer choices. Asking me to get out and get roaring when its raining dooms… You actually wont believe this but when the whole of Mumbai was in floods I was told my life would be sunny and bright for the coming few days 🙂 wonder how!
Nevertheless, we are still sore over the Pastrami thing. You better get your act in order sometime soon.
Oh… And, get well soon macha!
Oh,
“With all these job cuts and banks in trouble and financial turmoil we all try to laugh as much as we can when Pastrami cracks jokes.”
How is he taking the recession, by the way? Hope the slideshows and the clandestine surfing are enough for him to pull along in this rough weather!
In my misspent youth, I was forced, among other things, to read vast amounts of poetry, including Keats who I always thought sounded like a medical condition (“he’s suffering from a bad case of keats. Give him an enema). But one of those lines came back to me when I read your blog (yes, first timer here)”Then felt I like some watcher of the skies
When a new planet swims into his ken”
Totally brilliant. The post on the Taj was brilliant too. I’m blogrolling you right away
Cheers
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